You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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