is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
