i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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