Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
