Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
