The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
