i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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