I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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