someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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