I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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