sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
