When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
