i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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