I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
