guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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