I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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