My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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