a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
