My Higher Power is John Stamos
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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