Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
