We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i drank out of a bidet.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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