An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
