I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
