Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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