all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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