Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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