I just cut my nipple shaving
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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