I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
