i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
