Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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