There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
3pm strippers are depressing
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
