I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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