you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
True strength comes from lack of pants
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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