OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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