I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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