I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
