I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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