it wasn't lemon gatorade
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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