You don't have asthma, your pregnant
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
