Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
