I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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