Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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