So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
