What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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