i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
