Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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