Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
