I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize
