I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
