Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
