just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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