dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
