You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize