4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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