Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
