there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
