dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
