In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
