you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
