Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
