Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
