wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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