In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize