If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
