update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just found a bag of teeth...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
