Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
