Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
