I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
handjob tips. give me some.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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